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[29 Jun 2009|12:10pm] |
i squint a lot, i mean like, not on purpose, but i catch myself squinting a lot. i don't think it's because i can't see well. i squint at everything, i catch myself squinting when i am writing, when i am looking across a crowded room, when i am walking around. i think the world must look better that way, through squinted eyes, all of the flaws and the faults bleeding together into something perfect.
one of the panelists for my portfolio review said "try not to say 'basically' so much". well, i am just trying to slow down. sometimes i am so far beyond 'basically' i lose whatever interest i might have held if only i had started somewhere familiar. it is all familiar you know, "a copy of a copy of a copy," if anyone would only just take the time to realize it. but so few people do, right?
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[22 Jun 2009|07:41pm] |
i am feeling a little trapped lately. all this rain is maybe giving me cabin fever (figurative). i need some sunshine and salt water to drown my preoccupations in.
some things i am most likely thinking about when i am thinking:
1. what i would think about the things around me if i was from the past
2. what i would think about the things around me if i was from the future
3. how the place i am sitting would look if we suddenly entered world war 3
4. the existence of life in another galaxy
5. attempting to wrap my mind around how far away another galaxy actually is, starting by thinking how far it is from my feet to the door, from the door to the street, from the street to the highway, from the highway to the next state, from that state to the end of the country, from the end of our country around the world and back
6. repeating something over and over in my head that i don't want to lose track of for later undetermined use
7. songs that i would like to listen to the next time i'm in the car
8. things i am going to organize when i get home
9. schemes for making some fast money
10. my pros and cons as perceived by anyone else in the room
11. someone i know, advanced 10 yrs, on intervention (the more unlikely the person, the more time i spend contemplating it)
i think you are scared i might not be that great after all, and like you are constantly trying to catch me being horrible.
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[12 Jun 2009|11:59am] |
 
( 000600060009 )
SUPREMELY HAPPY. LIFE IS TERRIFIC. I DON'T PAUSE TO SAY THAT OFTEN ENOUGH.
(also, elvis costello, you are making my stay at home life today)
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[10 Jun 2009|08:40am] |
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life goes too fast. but, thinking about that, it's enough to make your stomach sick.
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[29 May 2009|07:30am] |
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today is my birthday (nose wrinkle).
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[28 May 2009|07:40pm] |
never have i ever.
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[20 May 2009|04:02pm] |
( ... )
i've been better. (not 'i've felt better'). i used to feel like i had my entire life in front of me to figure things out, an entire life in front of me to find somewhere where i fit. now i just feel like my entire life is unfolding and i am crushed by the weight of all of it, am not an important part of this unfolding life, am just standing here, knowing i am going to be crushed, am able to do nothing about it.
i used to be pretty sure i was laughing at life, and now life is laughing at me, i think.
it is one thing to be somebody someone wants to be friends with and another thing entirely to be friends with someone.
i am attempting to groove through this, i am.
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[19 May 2009|05:05pm] |
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get me out of this place. (i used to think i meant "this house!") (i used to think i meant "this town!") (i used to think i meant "this state of mind!") (i think i mean "this world")
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[17 May 2009|10:38pm] |
meyers-briggs test results: INFJ
(introverted intuitive feeling judging)
as an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. your secondary mode is external where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.
INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. only 1% of the population has an INFJ personality type, making it the most rare of all the types.
INFJs place great importance on having things orderly and systematic in their outer world. they put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. on the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. they know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. they are usually right, and they usually know it. consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions.
INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. they get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. as an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature. this is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and soff at, and the INFJ himself doesn't really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. they are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves and can be secretive.
( cont. )
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